Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Renewing my vows~
I recommitted myself today.
I'd been so sure I'd remain faithful to my vow. In the honeymoon period, I was involved and invested. I made my promise the focus of my life. I thought I'd be one of the lucky ones to maintain a long-term relationship, not just one of the failures.
I'm talking about that New Year's resolution I made at the stroke of midnight January 2007.
Same old, same old: Lose weight and exercise more. What else?
I remember when I didn't need to "resolve" to do this. I just did it. It was a life style. I'm not sure when it became such work, or why.
I'm sure it had something to do with having three kids, working full time, ending a marriage, starting another, caring for a dying parent. Stress increases cortisol, they say, and that causes weight gain. So does getting older, and being betrayed by slowing metabolism. Oh, and not sleeping well, my fallback excuse, which is now supposed to make one gain weight.
The bottom line? Those are all excuses. I know they are. They may be factors in weight gain, but if I don't counteract them, they are nothing but excuses.
On the way home from school today, I stopped at the college track and walked laps.
As my muscles warmed and my limbs loosened, my mind opened too. Thoughts that had been tangled like a twisted in a skein of yarn, pulled free and flowed. Like I was traveling in parallel worlds, I was both on the track and somewhere else. Moving automatically in my physical body, I went from past to present and on into the future in my mind.
And when my sunglasses fogged and I felt a trickle of sweat run down my spine, I stopped. Why do I resist this? It felt good.
I'm going to make my New Year's resolutions in April from now on, when the earth really does feel fresh and new. When hope springs eternal.