A friend and I were driving somewhere--she was a photo friend of mine—Lisa R—who moved away several years ago.
She was driving and when she slowed down to turn into wherever we were going—a zoo? I yelled, "Stop, because LOOK! There’s an owl!" A barn owl with a snowy owl’s body—so normal in a dream.
I was so excited, until I realized I didn’t have my camera... even though the sole purpose of our trip was picture taking.
We got out of the car, and I watched Lisa take pictures. I pulled out my iPhone to at least capture something, but people kept bumping into me and stepping in my way. And when I COULD see the owl clearly enough to snap a picture, the sun was like a fireball behind him and he was only a black shadow on my iPhone screen.
I cried a little in frustration, but stuffed the feeling down. I told Lisa I was so glad she had her camera and was able to get good pix.
But then I said, “Who am I kidding? I’m so mad!” And I let out a deep, long, angry bellow. A dam let loose and the flood waters roared. I felt better...
When I’m asked these days, since Bruce’s cancer diagnosis, how I’m doing, I always answer, “We're fine.” It wasn’t until Bruce was diagnosed with cancer that I referred to myself as “we.” It just happened. I follow his lead. He tells me he’s fine. He’s not worried or anxious; he’s taking one day at a time.
So I am too.
At least I THOUGHT I was until I had the dream. But the dream showed me how sad I am, and how frustrated at having no control. And that I’m just plain angry!
I have no other public face but “fine.”
But my dream told me the truth.
"When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does too." ~ Terri Clark