Wednesday, April 9, 2008

A pound of flesh~


Beef, Angus strip roast, is on sale for $8.99 per pound, chicken breasts, boneless, $4.99 a pound. My own flesh is worth far more, I found. (Not in the way you're thinking, Elliot Spitzer and all)

I responded to a junk mail ad for a place I'll call as "Shylock Fitness Center." It was a promo, I knew this, but I checked it out just to see. I'm a tough sell and I wasn't worried that I'd get pushed into anything. That never happens, hardly.

The place provides one-on-one fitness training-- a private hour and a half, three times a week with a personal trainer, a nutritional program, and body fat analysis. -I'd visited this place once four years ago to do a feature for a newspaper, so I knew how they operated-- and that they were pricy.

-But you never know. The economy is in a slump. Maybe they are desperate for clients.

The owner, who I'll call Mr. Pecs, showed me around. I wanted only the bottom line: the price. But he was intent on getting me firmly on the hook.

"We don't take everyone," Mr. Pecs said. "We only take people we think are a good fit."

He asked if my husband supported me.

-Yes

If he knew I was there?

-No

What I wanted to weigh?

-More that I did at my prime, but less than now

What I thought were the stumbling blocks to my weight loss efforts.

-Time, energy. Desire to eat.

What I ate.

-Good food mostly, but . . .

How often I ate.

-Three meals a day mostly, but . . .

When I last ate.

-Just a little snack in the car on the way over, but . . . (I was still picking pieces of popcorn out of my teeth. He looked grim.)

How much I thought this was worth.

-Well, I remember it was a lot four years ago, but . . .

How much?

-Oh, I don't know . . .

What would you say if I told you $2300 for three months?

-Good-bye.

So that would be $766 a month. About $64 a session if I went three times a week. Bottom line, about $150 a pound.

If I'm worth that much maybe I should start treating myself with more care.
~~~~~~~
"You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things."
~Ken Kesey

9 comments:

Pauline said...

for $150 a pound you could get some serious steak!

Dawn said...

What a great way to look at our worth. :) Thanks for today's ah-ha moment and a chuckle besides. :) Are you channeling Erma Bombeck? Maybe you should expand this and enter it in next year's contest.

Dawn

Bob Sanchez said...

Sounds like that guy has a racket going. You could try Bob's sure-fire, free weight-loss plan: Eat less, exercise more. And remember Bob's Corollary: Do as I say, not as I do? :-)

Wanda said...

This was great Ruth ~ I love how you can take a simple subject and make me hang on every word!

I love your final comment!! Great.

Janice Thomson said...

Loved the last line - maybe the trip there was worth it after all :)

Lisa said...

I don't know if it's just because I'm feeling punchy today, but this story along with the picture of the cow has got me into a giggle fit. You are too funny, Ruth. :)

That's a lovely cow, by the way. :D

leslie said...

Man, I'm dying for a steak!

I was laughing out loud as I was reading this, cuz I knew just how it'd end. They really do try to pull in the suckers, don't they?

Now who in their right mind could or even would be bothered to spend that much to go to a public, (well all right private yet you'd be with strangers), gym. I'd rather pay someone that much to come to my home and work with me in private. I don't want others to see all my wobbly bits! ;D

Tim Elhajj said...

I just lost a bunch of weight doing something liek this. My work subsidised 80% of the cost of the program for me AND my wife. I could have bought a nice car for what they wanted for 24 weeks (12 intensive weeks and 12 maintenance weeks). I am so fortunate. You can do a lot of this on your own, but you really do need a gym. The trainers are helpful, but you could do it without them.

Barbara said...

You can spend an awful lot of gyms and trainers. I always thought up excuses not to go when we had a membership. I only started a regular exercise program when we put a home gym in our basement. Maybe I'm still trying to amortize the cost, but it's a lot more accessible! And I can wear whatever I want to work out.