Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Only a dream~

Into the future . . .
I cried in dreams two nights in a row.

Dream one: I was at a teacher's meeting. We were planning to give an important test the next day. There was a lot of preparation to be done. At the end I thought, "Wait a minute. Someone will be giving this test to my class. I'm not responsible. I'm retired." I pointed this out to another teacher. I left the meeting and cried.

Dream two: I was waiting for an important phone call, but in the mean time had tried to get things done. I'd cut the time too close and realized my cell phone was in the car, not my pocket, so I ran to be sure not to miss the call. I found my phone already flipped open. When I said hello, it was my mother. She told me that her mother--long dead--no longer recognized her, and wasn't that funny? "It's funny," I acknowledged, "but it's also sad." Yes, my mother admitted. And I cried.

They say dreams mean something.

They say dreams work out conflicts we struggle with in daily life.

They say dreams are cathartic.

They say a lot of things.

I only know that I'd been unnaturally sad for a few days before the dreams.

I'm fine, now. Outwardly, any way. As far as I know.

But I'm willing to bet I'm struggling with change, at the very least. Things have been left behind that mattered very much--my job, for one. I thought I'd moved on, and quite happily. But there must be a residue of melancholy. My mother will be 89 soon. It makes me happy that she still remembers me; she doesn't remember much. But if ever she doesn't remember me . . . I've felt the pain already . . . in a dream.
~~~~~
Life is its own journey, presupposes its own change and movement, and one tries to arrest them at one's eternal peril. ~Laurens van der Post

6 comments:

Rozel (a.k.a. Michelle) said...

It's amazing how dreams can affect us. I have had dreams about being angry at my husband and then I wake up angry at my husband (poor husband).

I have also had reoccurring dreams so I google the meaning online. After I see the supposable meaning I get depressed. I no longer google the meaning of dreams because I am sure they are complete rubbish.

Thank you for your kind comment on my blog. It made my day (It made me feel so good I have gone back to read it at least seven times)

Barry said...

Somehow, I knew a while ago you'd have Dream One.

I had Dream Two myself, only a couple of days ago--or was that one real life?

How precious and poignant and fleeting it all is...

Barry

Janice Thomson said...

I think there's always a residue of melancholy about the way things used to be. It was what we knew best at the time...it was our comfort zone and deviations from that no matter what the reason disrupt that comfort zone and leave us hanging, uncertain and sometimes a bit scared about the future and our coping abilities. Change is sometimes the hardest challenge to address yet is the one thing you can always count on.
Your posts make one ponder a little deeper...

Linda said...

Dreams let our minds run wild and the things that they run back with are sometimes just what we need even when we didn't know we needed them.

Glad that they did bring you a sense of peace, though. Sounds like you needed to cry somewhere somehow.

Pam said...

Wishing you sweet dreams tonight Ruth, to make up for the unsettling ones. Hope your residue of melancholy departs pronto!Congratulations to your mother on reaching 89! I am sure the approaching years will bring more challenges.I think these dreams of yours are a way of dealing with issues this time in our life brings.My parents are in their eighties - it is a time of facing things we'd rather not sometimes. Much love.

Dave said...

Another one of life's mysteries and lesson that only you can learn.
But that is what makes it fun.