If I take credit for my daughter's intelligent, organized approach to life, then I must take blame for my youngest son's overdue library books. If I take credit for his athletic prowess and caring personality, then I have to blame myself for my oldest son's problems.
I'd love the credit, but not the blame. In reality, I deserve neither -- or maybe a little of both. But only a little. They are who they are, these kids of mine. They've been unique individuals from the moment they entered the world. I only polished the surface, and not even that these days as they live independent lives-- or nearly so. I've stored the "character polish" with the baby pictures. Its use by date has expired.
I gave my children half their genes and all my love. They didn't come with instructions for care. Each was-- is-- unique. What worked, what didn't, what was helpful or not, was different for each child. It was up to me to determine what would be best for each of them. And I wasn't always sure.
I advised, nurtured, and disciplined, fine-tuning my mothering to fit each child's needs as best I understood them. I relied more on common sense and innate maternal wisdom than on generic advice from child care experts who never met my children.
Despite me and because of me, my children are in control of their lives. Or in the case of my oldest, he holds the reins, and I have to let him, despite the fact that he often rides off into the brambles.
Faith, like muscle, is built by use. Saying you have faith is not enough. Faith requires you to lean hard on the object of your trust without flinching, without bracing for the chair to be pulled away just as you sit. I have leaned hard on myself, for I must have faith that what I do, what I have done and will do still, if nothing else, is the best I have to offer. That matters.
My children will take the tools I've provided and continue to shape their lives-- for the better, I hope. Or not. But that is for them to decide. I have faith in them, too. Each of them.
~~~~~
“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.”~Brian Tracy
Comments
It's not easy, but it's so worth it to watch them mature and become their own people.
Peace - D
What a lovely photograph! And a really nice musing on parenthood. I suppose I am glad my children have been of the canine variety, and there were few bites, lots of kisses and waggy-tails, and the current "little one" was house-trained in a fortnight!
I've been the troublesome one in my family: behavior, substances, a free spirit that, yes, did lead me into the brambles. I am afraid, in my case, some of all this was given a kick-start by the behavior of my parents and other close family members, by my genes, and, perhaps most of all, by dodgy choices in friends.
I believe a good deal boils down to luck on the day. A chance meeting can change everything (for the good or the bad). We don't ask who we might meet on the Highway to Damascus, it might be a Savior or a Band of Brigands. Some kids, some grown-ups, just never bump into the right Being.
Still, the tares and the tearaways have their place.
Nice one, Ruth.
R.
This picture is absolutely divine, by the way -- so appropriate and so beautiful.
It's hard to let go and not want to advise or guide in a different direction even as they grow older. My daughter is 36 and I have to clamp my mouth shut and tell my heart to be still when she mentions something I feel is the wrong direction or attitude - and that's just it isn't it - what might be wrong for us could be the eye-opener our children really need to change directions.
We will always be parents till the day we die - hopefully with utter respect for their choices, needs and wants without "praise with faint condemnation".
I thought of my own four unique children...the older ones in their 40's and you reminded me the tears, the joy, and hurt, that each brought...then our baby..now 37 and how my faith was tested and strenghten with episodes in her life that were heartbreaking...
You do us all a service Ruth, because you can put into words what our hearts want to say!!
LOL: Wanda
And Ross . . . parenting a dog counts as raising a child. many similarities at times. :>)
I've thoroughly enjoyed scrolling through your blog. You deal with subjects that touch us all.
Do keep in touch.
Peace.
Sandi
Congrats on post of the day!